My Shift Ends At 8pm
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| Why doesn't this happen in my house? WHY?! |
I am really starting to understand my mother's point of view as time goes on. I remember her saying that she lived out in the country so that nobody noticed when she yelled at her kids. (Was she kidding? I really am not sure....)
I jokingly tell the kids that my shift lasts from 7am until 8pm. That gives me a good 13 hours of mom duty before I get to clock out. If the kids insist on being awake after 8pm, SANITY is a bonus, NOT a guarantee. (Do you find it annoying that I capitalize things all the time? Because I just love it.)
Anyway, back to me.
So, you are walking past my house. On any given night you might hear me shouting (by an open window of course because I am an idiot and don't think about stuff like this until I notice neighbors staring and also because the kitchen sink is by a window) you might hear me yelling,
"GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!!!! DO YOU WANT THEM TO FALL OUT LIKE YOUR FATHER'S????"
Or of course, an oldie but a goodie, "MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE IF YOU DON'T PUT ON YOUR DIAPER RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!!!!
Another one of my favorites, "IF YOU DON'T GO BACK IN YOUR ROOM I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING AWFUL THAT I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF YET BUT I AM THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW!!!!"
Did I mention that I live with my mother-in-law (who I think hates me, but really, who can blame her)? Did I also mention that it is quite possible that my husband is playing MS PAC MAN while this is all going in. (Ms Pac Man because, of course, he is a feminist. Of course.)
Some days I think that if I make it through the day without physical violence I should just get a straight shot to heaven. Does anybody else feel that way? ANYBODY?!!!
Other days I think that I am going to burn in a fiery (but hopefully SILENT) hell for the rest of eternity.
Anyway, if you happen to be walking by and you hear me shouting I just want to try to convince you that I am not always a horrible person. I guess being a horrible person some of the time may qualify me for horrible person status, but I am hoping it is more of a percentage deal. Like I pass if I am a good person 71% of the time. Hopefully.
Today, during the day these things happened:
-Somebody brushed the dog with a person brush. (We don't actually have a CLEAN dog. Just so you know. I think he is itchy. And I can really only be expected to keep my children clean, the dog has got to fend for himself.)
-Found underwear on the counter in the bathroom. Dirty. Not mine. Not a child's. (No more details will be provided.)
-Took the kids to swim lessons. Listened to one of the children complain the whole way about having to walk. (Yes I realize that kids have shorter legs and they get tired. I have to tell you though, this particular kid really enjoys complaining non-stop. You are going to have to take my word for it. Ironically, looking at this post, it really annoys me to hear somebody else complain non-stop.) Seriously, swim lessons are fun and they always have energy DURING them! WHAT THE?!
-I got mad at my husband about something. Not sure what it was but I am pretty sure it was his fault.
-Water dumped on the floor.
-Lots of urine.
-Poop juice. (I don't really want to describe this. Let's just say it is a phrase we use in our house a lot and today it involved a baby playing in the dog water and then getting her diaper removed....)
-Did I mention I have stretch marks?
-Fighting amongst the kids. (Yes, upon reflection I realize that my kids fight with one another because I suck in some way and am constantly modeling imperfect behavior as opposed to perfect/awesome/non-violent/monk behavior.
-My almost three year old screaming NO!!!!!! at every and any thing I asked her to do. (No she does not eat food coloring. She didn't even have sugar today.)
-One of the kids broke a brand new thing that my mother-in-law bought for herself. We will add this to the list of: antiques, washing machine, dryer, trampoline, baseboards, etc.
When I look at this list even I have to admit that it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I mean, what is my problem? Honestly, I don't know. But this much I do know: My sanity has about a 12 hour window. If you would like to push me farther than that there is a very good chance that something unpleasant will shake loose. You may be able to hear it come loose from the street.
I think I need to move to the country.
I really want to be one of those bloggers with four children who can gush about kind communication and patience and talking it out. But I really don't understand how it works. How do you get to the ragged end of a long day and handle with grace and dignity the horror that is bedtime? I really don't know.
I am kind of hoping that other mother's suck at bedtime too and also freak out at the end of the day and need a moment of silence to themselves. I hope this doesn't make me a bad mom, but really, maybe it does. I hope the kids remember some of the times I am kind and patient throughout the day.
Maybe I should just practice my game face and being a better liar! I would be dishonest but I would sure look better. Plus, I should probably shut the windows. Sound sure does carry out of an open window.
Peace out mamas-
May your bedtimes be peaceful, pleasant, and smell like lavender.
Comments
I'm positive that #1, the neighbors all know I have a child named Matthew who gets yelled at a lot (he's my mischief maker), and that #2 I make them reminisce about their childhoods. When their mothers yelled at them around bedtime.
There's only so much bedlam a momma can take =D especially with FOUR KIDS. Which is my personally invented and favorite hashtag on twitter.
They just want to play. I want them to get it done. When I'm exhausted at the end of the day and it takes 1-2 hours for the bedtime routine and they want to be silly and mess around it can really set me off.
I did notice though that my anger and harshness was causing my 4 yr old (the one the anger had mostly been directed towards) to become defiant and also more likely to hit her siblings. I pray a lot about it, usually for God to make me a better mother than I was today. I'm working on letting the little stuff go, reducing my time on the internet and paying real attention to them more, so that their only interactions with me are no longer "Do this, do that, why didn't you ____? I told you 5 times!!!"
It's getting better and my 4yr old is becoming more agreeable and kind again.
You're not alone. Parenting is really hard. I appreciate you talking about yourself openly like this (in a very funny but real way, too) so that other moms like me don't feel like we are the only ones failing at motherhood.
This. Thank you! I don't know either. :-/
There is this too:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_gray3.html
and this:
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/inbal_kashtan.html
And thank you for your comments. Ya'll make me feel....less alone.
I do use the lavender sometimes (I spray the vents in the kids' rooms so when the A/C turns on it blows throughout the rooms) but that doesn't always mean it is peaceful. We TRY! We're trying. I try so hard to just hide or let the kids play a few more minutes so I can talk to myself and say "You will be patient. You will not raise your voice! You can DO THIS!" How on earth do these little ones conquer me almost every night in the bedtime battle?!?!
And I agree - why is bedtime such a freaking shocker when we do the same. Exact. Routine. EVERY. Night?!?!?!