11 Things Things I Learned this Week Because of a Newborn

As time moves on and I gain wisdom (or maybe a better word would be....experience?) I realize some fun things about life and myself.

~1~ When two children are fighting constantly, I of course deal with it by yelling at them. As it turns out this is not that effective and a laughably dumb and contradictory response to getting others to STOP yelling. And yet, I can't think of anything else to do.

~2~ I smell vaguely of rotten breast milk, failed natural deodorant, and... is that poop? Yes it is. Don't worry, it is not mine. Ahh, if only you could bottle this stuff. Maybe, just maybe, I could make a killing selling it to empty nester's.

~3~ Can a newborn baby actually aim spit up directly down my shirt? It seems impossible, and yet...

~4~ When I say, "I can't believe I had a nine pound baby!" The response "Yeah, and you have the stretch marks to prove it!" Is actually INCORRECT. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Do not expect any action anytime soon.

~5~ How is it that giving birth can make me feel both so chubby and so skinny at the same time? So much lighter than I was a few weeks ago, and yet, not exactly where I would like to be.

~6~ People just straight up STARE at you when you go out in public with four children. It really is not that many, is it?! Maybe they don't have cable.

~7~ If you offer your six year old some placenta because he is being moody (or your husband or anybody for that matter) they will ALWAYS say no. It just isn't something people want to share with you. I am actually excited to find something I can eat which does not cover me in hungry bird like children saying "Ah, Ah, Ah" with open mouths.

~8~ When a newborn needs you, they NEED you- RIGHT NOW. Despite the fact that I have done this a few times before, I actually managed to forget this. Now that I think about it though, it is probably good for the other kids to learn some patience.

~9~ Saying no to an offer of help or dinner is just stupid and prideful. I am in no place to ever do that again.

~10~ Beginning potty training one day before your due date may just result in a two year old who refuses to wear a diaper (or anything else) but will not go on the potty. Assuming you know when the baby will come (even if you think it will come late) is asking for trouble. They come when ready.

~11~ Despite the craziness, challenges, and recovery, I wouldn't trade this for the world. Having a new baby brings such a sweet spirit into a home. I love babies.