If You Want To Make a Million Dollars Off of Pregnant Women....

You may have heard that while climbing into my car today the front of my maternity pants tore wide open. No, I have not worn them for all four pregnancies, but I did get them second hand so there is a possibility that the fabric was weak. Maybe the last person who used them really liked bleach.....One can only hope for some kind of excuse.

So, as I reveled in both the humiliation (because, yes, I busted out of maternity clothes), gratitude (I was at my last stop for the day), and the humor (because even I can see that this is pretty dang funny) I started to think of some great ideas for the entrepreneur out there who would like to make some money off of pregnant women.

~Make maternity clothes a size bigger than they say they are.~

Were you told when you first got pregnant that you should buy maternity clothes in the same size that you normally wore? I was. This may work for some women. But as it turns out, I am at least a few sizes bigger than my normal even in maternity clothes by the end of my pregnancy. This does NOT work for me. It might work for women who gain 20 pounds that is all confined to their stomach. (Don't they get chubby knees!? I can't be the only one this happens to!)

It would however, make me FEEL better if my maternity clothes still said SMALL even if they were in fact LARGE. Whoever did this could also save a ton of money on tags and labeling because you would just need one tag for everything.

In fact, just get rid of the size altogether and label everything "Beautifully round and fertile." I know, I am wasting my talents on blogging and natural birth education when I should be in marketing!

~Make the muu muu stylish.~

You know, I would really appreciate it if somebody in some awesome marketing team had the power to actually make muu muus stylish, hip and sexy.

I have a dress that my whole family teases me about. It is shaped like a sack. It is long and wide and it happens to have a giant peacock embroidered on the front of it. My son calls it my "pregnant dress" and my husband thinks it is hideous.

It is however the most comfortable thing I have ever worn and it even worked for my last two pregnancies (one due in July--in Dallas--- and the other in August) which says something. Despite how much I love it I can't really wear it out of the house because it is pretty awful. But oh, how I wish I could....

~LONG Maternity Shirts~

These probably exist somewhere out there in the void, I think I had some for my last pregnancy but they are gone. Now, my "maternity" shirts leave about three inches of belly hanging out at the bottom of them.

There was a time when I wore halter tops. Now is not one of those times. Nor will I ever wear another halter top (for various reasons). But I really don't need my stomach hanging out over my pants right now. I am not even tall! I know I am not the only woman who has trouble with this.

So- maternity shirts that are stretchy and fully cover the belly would be great. As a side note, this would also cover the back of me and prevent plumber's crack. An added bonus.

~Cute, comfortable and WIDE shoes~

I was at a church function the other day and I was wearing some heels (well, strappy stacked sandal type heels) and somebody said that I looked "miserable."

That was actually NOT the look I was going for. I was just trying to look nice! I put on a skirt. I left my flip flops and Birkenstocks at home. But, I will admit, that it was decidedly awkward to wear heels at eight months gestation and even more so when I have a 20 month old who finds it absolutely hilarious to run away from me in (can you believe somebody did this) a CIRCULAR hallway.

So- though I love my grimy, old, survived three pregnancies, flip flops, some comfy, cute and not-miserable looking shoes would be fantastic. Oh- and they need to be cheap.

~~~

I am sure I could think of a few more things awesome inventions for pregnant women (cheesecake that doesn't make you feel guilty but doesn't have weird chemicals in it, little men who painted your toe nails for you, and trolls who could always catch up with a two year old darting down the street) but I will stop for now and put my feet up.

Hoping you find some fun in your pregnancy too-