Admit It- The Child is Difficult, Not Vivacious
Have you ever thought that about your own flesh and blood? You know the thought. You think it but you don't dare speak it. The though is this, "MY GOSH, this child is difficult!!!! Would she just sleep for love of all that is holy!?"
There is a lot of talk about how we describe our children and their personalities. High need, sensitive, smart, even (my favorite) vivacious! It kind of makes me laugh that we have to use words that truthfully, kind of sugar coat things.
I have a hard time being dishonest. Actually, I can accidentally be so truthful that I am outright rude. The same is true when it comes to my own children.
(Disclaimer- I fully expect to be torn apart for this post. But at this point I have realized that people will tear me apart for pretty much anything no matter how I meant it or not so I am throwing caution to the wind.)
Yes- I have a vivacious, sensitive, intelligent and high need child. Around here though she is often just referred to as "stinker pot" or "stormy" for her frequent turns of mood.
Oh we love her. And I mean we LOVE her. We really love her. She is the third so she has a brother and sister who both dote on her and adore her. Sometimes I think that if I had a favorite it would be her. (Of course I don't have a favorite, that would be wrong.) But I tell her every day that she is my favorite baby -- EVER.
She makes me laugh more than any of the other children ever did. I enjoy her more than I can describe. I thought she might be my last so I just held her and loved her and soaked her in when she was born. She is incredibly smart and talks and sings and plays earlier than I remember the others ever doing that. She is a joy and the most entertaining, fun filled child I have ever seen.
And though I would love to describe her as vivacious when she screams "NO!!! MINE!!!!" and smacks somebody in the face, honestly, that is not the first word that comes to mind. And though I know that as a supposed attachment parenting mom I should embrace the sleepless nights with a 17 month old who still wakes every two hours, I actually just want to scream. I guess I could scream but she is already screaming so it would be REALLY loud in the house if I joined in, at three AM no less. I should enjoy the sheer amount of NOISE that one child can produce on a nearly constant basis expressing her every need or displeasure or ache or pain. But, sometimes I just want some peace and quiet.
(I am not looking for advice on sleep training, co-sleeping, getting adjustments, parenting tips or anything else.) At this point in life I sincerely believe that some kids are just not good sleepers and some are. That is just how the chips fall sometimes. Some kids like to please those around them and will adjust their behaviour to do so. And some kids realize that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and so they squeak.
Language is powerful and I understand that. I see the point in using nicer words to describe a child than the ones that immediately come to mind. I understand how calling contractions "rushes" could prepare your mind for a more painless labor. I have heard of labeling theory and I get it.
I also realize though that sometimes the truth is just the truth. Sometimes a kid is harder than others. There a lot of factors: circumstance, birth order, personality, patience of parents, and so on.
The point is not that we dare not tell it like it is. The truth is that sometimes a child is harder than another. Sometimes a child refuses to cooperate in the ways we would like. But the bigger truth is that there is nothing wrong with that.
Will I sometimes say this sweet child is difficult? YES! I will. Because it is sometimes the truth. The other half of that truth is that I love her all the more for it. I enjoy her more because she is strong willed and amazingly intelligent. My love for her grows stronger BECAUSE she requires more patience and kindness and understanding, not in spite of it.
So here is to embracing that difficult, screaming, no sleeping, "oh my gosh I think I am getting a tooth, you know that means I will wake up screaming hourly for a week mom" child. There is nothing wrong with the truth, difficult or not.
Comments
Sometimes you just have to hear it from another mom that you're not the only one!
Our problem is not the lack of sleep, but just craziness. He just moves non stop, he always gets into things, climbs on things, draws on things, pulls pages out of books to force you to make paper airplanes out of. Since he learned to move around at 5 months I've been on my toes since. He is FINALLY starting to settle down and is getting easier. He is very intelligent in art and music, but his language development and understanding is a little slower than some kids his age. He talks just fine and he's getting better, I just wish he understood things better. Like when he asks for a banana and I say we don't have any then he has a tantrum because he just thinks I'm not getting it for him and doesn't realize I can't. Anyway yeah I love him so much and he makes every day brighter. I think every child is difficult in their own way :D
But remember that the child is "difficult" because as a child, a parent needs to assert control many times a day - but the child resists being forced, led, convinced, cajoled, etc. She knows what she wants, why she wants it, and has a boatload of persistence to get it.
Those same characteristics will make for a super adult. If you both survive! :-)
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You are describing my son 100%. He was a reflux, colic baby, who never slept through the night until 17 months. He never drank from a bottle (despite going to daycare at 6 months). We HAD to resort to CIO when I hit a pole driving to work from dozing at the wheel...
Now he sleeps all night (he's 2.5), but still in our room or bed. He is a very strong-willed child and KNOWS what he wants. He drives us crazy, but has the biggest personality and is LOVED by everyone. He is so much fun and says/does the silliest things.
We have number 2 on the way, so we will see what we will get this time :)
Great post!
You pretty much described her in your post about yours, except that mine is now two and still doesn't sleep through the night. Whether it's due to circumstance, birth order, personality, patience of parents,or some other cosmic reason, honestly, her disposition is the reason I won't even consider trying for another baby until she's at least three.I don't think I could handle her dependency and that of a baby, god forbid another baby as demanding as she was and is.
She will be 4 in a few months. And she is incredibly strong-willed, but keeps me laughing all day long with the crazy things she says. If I'm not laughing, I am locking myself in the bathroom crying and asking God to please help me raise this child right and keep her on the right path to using these amazing qualities of hers (which drive me crazy) to do wonderful things as an adult.
We have #2 on the way so we'll see what happens next. :-)
I think every parent has at least one of these children!