The Natural Mama's Bucket List

Some things the natural mama must do before she kicks the bucket.

-Sleep with 5 people in a full sized bed.  (This sounds vaguely erotic but is decidedly not, because of course, three of them are your squirming children.)

-Get in an argument with somebody about circumcision, vaccines, or epidurals.

-Have at least one person de-friend you on Facebook because of an "offensive" natural birth post.

-Worry about fluoride.

- Get rid of your microwave.

-Have an inflatable tub set up in your family room.

-Sit on a toilet backwards (possibly for hours).

-Labor for X amount of minutes/hours/days, and instead of talking about it like it was horrible, rave about it being the best experience of your life.

-Consider a yoga ball furniture.

-Purge your house of plastic cups.

-Spend at least a few minutes of your life buck naked and on all fours in front of people not your husband (again, not at all erotic).

-Store a human organ in your freezer.  Consider eating it.  (If I have to explain this, you wouldn't understand).

-Encourage at least one tired mom (whom you have never met before) to continue breastfeeding.

-Wake up one morning to discover that you now find Dr Sears to be just a little too mainstream.

-Get excited when the neighbor kids get chicken pox.

-Get excited when you see your hubby wearing a baby in a sling...

-Try to hide your horror when you discover your kids have eaten conventional peanut butter.

-Attempt to garden organically.

-Curse bugs everywhere when they eat everything before you can harvest it.

-Seriously consider living off the grid.

-Discover you like your stretched out, stretch marked body way more than that firm cute one you once had, because this one can do anything (even push out babies)!

-Compete with the women in your natural birth class to see who can have the biggest baby.

-Discover after church one day that your five year old has given his class a vivid description of the birth process.

-Witness your two year old demonstrating said process and afterwards, nursing her own toy baby.

-Bite your tongue at least once when you learn that somebody is getting induced.  Then go home and rant to your husband about it.

-Witness somebody nursing a 15 month old, think to yourself, "Weird, that kid is too big to nurse,"  Then realize a year later that you are still nursing your 18 month old.

-When family visits and asks you for a Tylenol, look at them like they are nuts.

-Get a headache.  Realize you must be subluxated.  Go see your Chiropractor.

-Discover you can no longer enjoy a diet soda, the guilt is just too much to bear.

-Know what ACOG stands for and get really angry when they are brought into a conversation.