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A Funny Thing Happened While I Went To The Bathroom...

From morguefile.com

I didn't really think it was funny though.  That is because it happened to me.  (I hope that that YOU will find some amusement in this.)

I was in the bathroom today.  I don't want to get into details but I think I have food poisoning so I took longer than usual.  I know- BAD MOM!  Going potty all by herself. 

The kids had just gotten out of the shower and I was DUMB enough to send the baby on out (15 months old) without her diaper on. 

Did I mention that she has learned to climb?  She has.  (Totally overrated skill by the way.)

About 30 seconds later the five year old runs back to tell me that,
"The baby pooped on the table!"
They always love this kind of thing.  Why do they love this?  It isn't in the least bit amusing. 

I pull myself together and head out.  Honestly, I don't really WANT to go see what happened.  This is the end of a long day (with food poisoning) and my hubby is gone at a meeting and now....there is poop on the table.

So of course I started yelling.

Oh wait.  I forgot...I am on a natural mom blog.  Pardon me.  I actually had a heart to heart with my kids about respecting boundaries and cleaning up after themselves  (all the while I was thoughtful and gentle and honored their emotions) after which they all agreed that they would never make another mess again. 

I'm just kidding.  (Not making fun of people who are that awesome.  I just am not one of them.  I blame my mom.)  I actually started yelling. 

But of course you can't YELL at a baby so I took it out on the other kids.  (This is because I am emotionally mature, obviously.)

So that is about how my day went.  Food poisoning.  Human feces on the dinner table.  (She had just had a shower and yes, she stepped in it.  When my kids take dumps in inappropriate places they really go for the gold.  They are overachievers.  Crap honor students.)

Even though my day was filled with lots of smelly stuff, I hope yours wasn't.  I wish you a clean dinner table and clean salads (that don't cause food poisoning) and flat stomachs and an even temperament. 

But whenever you need your dose of mediocrity, be sure to stop by.  I am all stocked up here. 


Comments

Anonymous said…
I had a VERY similar day myself! I put Thing 1 down for a nap and when she got up, she took her diaper off and pooped in her crib and spread it all over. Oh and did I mention she sucks her thumb? And after smearing it she popped her favorite appendage right in. Gah!!!!! Wishing you speedy recovery and a pleasant night ......((hugs))
September 6, 2012 at 8:44 PM
Rebecca said…
Been there. So. Many. Times.
Sometimes I'd kind of rather burn the house down than attempt to clean up. If only that were an option...
September 6, 2012 at 9:07 PM
Chloe grice said…
I love all of you, you make my day, thank you! Whenever I think I'm all alone on the CrapFarm, alternately yelling & weeping all day (& sometimes all night too) I'm so glad I can think of you all, dealing with your own CrapFarms & trying to resist the burn-your-house-down option. Keep at it, just think, one day they'll have kids of their own and we'll be oh so smug.
September 7, 2012 at 2:33 AM
Jeanna said…
All I can say is how much I love you! And also, I wish I could buy you a new dining room table. :)
September 7, 2012 at 3:12 AM
Annie said…
Just wanted to say simply, thank you for sharing. Gave my day a good start. Sorry it was at your expense
September 7, 2012 at 6:22 AM
Lyndsay W said…
My daughter went through a phase for about a month that she would climb onto the bench that is on one side of our dining room table and take a dump. At least twice a week I cleaned baby poop off of the very table we eat at.
September 7, 2012 at 6:37 AM
Anonymous said…
Thank you for this. I love your honesty. It is very endearing. And, it helps other moms know that they aren't alone when it comes to these things.
September 7, 2012 at 9:54 AM
The Quinns said…
My then almost 3 yr old daughter pooped in her play tent while daddy was out of town, babysitter on the way to keep her while I attend a wedding party. She picked it all up and mover it to the corner and kept playing until I called her down for supper which I planned to throw in front of her and race out the door. I smelled it before I saw it and my babysitter (who babysat me since I was 2) looked at me with a look that made it clear I didn't pay her enough to take my child to the bath and clean poop off of her. Needless to say I was very late for the party and yelling MIGHT have occurred. Why do they always do that when daddy is away?? I want one of my kids to poop inappropriately and inconveniently for him when I'm gone just ONCE!!!
September 7, 2012 at 12:39 PM
Sarah F said…
A similar story has (unfortunately) happened to me as well.. on more than one occasion. The most recent was when my 2 year old was fresh out of the bathtub. I went into the kitchen to check on dinner. When I came back, there was a pile of poop on our BRAND NEW white carpet. Of course it wasn't normal poop, it was runny diarrhea. Great poop stories ladies! haha :)
September 8, 2012 at 6:15 PM
JuneBlossom3 said…
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I have the same mindset -- less likely to feel bad about yourself if I set the bar low, right?! Bring on mediocrity, cause it's good enough for me!
September 9, 2012 at 8:49 AM
Elise said…
I love this!! I've been browsing blogs all afternoon (at work. not motivated. in.the.least.) and it was a breath of fresh air to read this! Yeah...I'm sure it wasn't fresh air to you, but when you read the best of people's lives in their blog posts, you feel like they are perfect and would never lose it. We all lose it and I appreciate your honesty so much! Hope you are feeling better by now!
September 10, 2012 at 2:01 PM
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