Humbling Moment #547: Women With More Than One Child Are Not Actually Crazy


Maybe you have been there. I remember having my one toddler. I was so patient. So kind. He was always breastfed to sleep. He was worn in a sling. He was loved all the time. He never cried for long periods. I was such a great mom. It was nice.

I remember seeing other women with two or more children. "Why are they so crazy?" I would ask myself. "Why are they so overwhelmed?" Or a really great one, "Why do they keep having kids when they don't seem to be handling the ones they have that well?"

Bwaaaahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahah!!!!!!!

Sorry, I just needed to take a moment to laugh out loud at myself and my total arrogance and lack of understanding.

Fast forward. I now have three. There will be another one this summer. OH MY GOSH! Four kids.

I actually once saw a friend of mine take a tranquilizer because she was having such a hard time with her kids. I think I was just kind of in shock.

I get it now. I am not saying I take tranquilizers, just that I UNDERSTAND why you might want to on certain days. Just saying.

When you have more than one child you start to learn a few things:

~ You are not a perfect mom. Maybe with one you were. But not with three, and sure as heck not when you are full term and have a few others who can easily outrun you. Yelling starts to look REAL good.

~The first one (or second or third) was just easy. You were not actually doing everything right. It was actually just the child. (Oops on all the times you gave other women advice on how to get their baby to sleep through the night, huh?!) No, you don't have any special knowledge, you just got lucky.

~The other one, was just hard. You did not do anything terribly and horribly wrong. Neither did that friend you had with the "naughty" or "out of control" toddler. It was just a harder child or a difficult stage and you were just seeing them at a bad moment.

~Everybody has bad moments. You might have to have a few kids before you see yourself have a bad moment. But wait, it is coming. Sometimes you see a mom in one of her horrid moments. Don't judge her. It is just a MOMENT. She is not actually crazy and it will pass.

~Even though you appear nuts, you love your kids and want MORE. Yes, your hands are full. No you can not afford them. Yes, you sometimes mix up their names. This is not actually an indicator that you have trudged too far down the path of insanity. It is just LIFE. And life can be hard, but children are still awesome. You see the beautiful moments, where everybody gets along and where there is just a touch of the divine in your home.

~There is a reason women with more than one child say things like, "Yes, but I have 4 kids!" like it is an accomplishment. Or the other thing those mom's say, "You only have one."
They are not actually trying to insult you. They just know that with only one child there are a few things that you might not understand yet. And the whole. "I have X amount of kids comment," well, it is kind of an accomplishment. And it does explain some things in your life. Like the the messy purse/car/ or emotional state.

So, to all those mom's out there who I looked at with horror as you yelled or lost patience or cried in public. I apologize. I get it. I am getting mine. Thank you for actually making it look easier than it really is.

Comments

January said…
Rock on! Love it and it's sooo true. I still struggle with #1. I beat myself up that I'm not a 'perfect mom' anymore and don't know why I can't be. :(
Unknown said…
I am sometimes very grateful that nature has decided to give me quite some time to wait for a secon dchild. I think that it is probably becauseI wouldn't be able to cope with a second child (just yet). Well that's just me rationalising
As a mom of 7 I find I have a lot of patience in the grocery line. Sometimes I get in line behind the mom with 2 or 3 kids so I can admire the moment- good, bad, sticky, or poopy. And I always offer a smile or a helping hand if needed....
Unknown said…
As a mom of three VERY different girls, I think this post sums it up perfectly. This is also the same reason that I usually have hairy legs and look like I haven't showered in a month.
Mama Birth said…
Thanks! I had fun with this one.
Unknown said…
I really understand and I only have 1!
I was getting my car seats checked the other day and the 2 childless girls were just looking at me with pity as my 2 year old screamed his head off because I had to put him back in his seat. I just smiled at them, told them thank you for their help and drove off as quickly as I could. I wanted to tell them "He really is a good baby. He doesn't do this all the time!" but one day, if they have kids, they will understand!
Mandy said…
I am so glad you posted this! I too have four kids. I went grocery shopping with the younger two the other day. I already had to leave the store once because I left my wallet at home. Then I went back and they changed a policy and it just threw me off. I lost it at the checkout. The lady was looking at me like I was crazy and was asking me why I was being rude. I wasn't trying to be rude, just having a bad day. Then when I got home I noticed that she didn't scan one of my $2 coupons because she thought I was being so "rude" and crying and causing grief for her. Not a happy moment in my mom day. I have never done that before! I am usually composed, but I guess sleepless nights added together, on top of stress of shopping and doing coupons with two little boys in the cart doesn't seem like a good idea anyway. It just had to be done though. As moms we do what has to be done, and we deal with it. No matter how much we have to go through!
So thank you for this.
Anonymous said…
Love this! So agreed. Feeling the need to write my own about having three boys......
Emily said…
Love it! I was surprised with twins the 4th time around, so we have 5 now... the twins are 14 months and my oldest is 5 1/2. I can totally relate. :)
Mama! Loved MOST of what you had to say, because just about all of it is true. EXCEPT- when you see some moms having a so-called "moment" it truly isn't a moment for them- its how they are all the time and I feel really terrible for their kids :(

Regardless of this, I love your post, like I always do :)
Helena Post said…
totally get what you're saying, and I'm that mad mum now....got 7 kids, 3 under the age of two, and 6 under the age of 10......and I'm a helluva lot more tolerant than I used to be when I had my single 'perfect' baby:)

You may be interested in my twin birthing story...

http://spunoutpost.blogspot.com/2010/11/natural-birthing-of-twins.html

Peace:)
sixpaq said…
It can get even more exciting! I have seven biological children and 4 children that I foster (all special needs). There is never a dull moment & I can never say I have nothing to do! Add that they do dance classes, art classes, musical theatre, horse-back riding, curling, Jr. Fair Board, etc. Then there are all the specialist appts in addition. We have 4 horses, 3 cats, 2 dogs and 1 rabbit & 1 hamster. We usually have extras, tomorrow we have an extra three. Oh...my oldest is out on her own now & has a sweet boy that is 2 years old. Most of the kids homeschooled till Grade 8, one all the way through. Yes, I lose my patience too & yes I can appreciate when a mom is at her wits end. I am the odd mom who actually tells other moms when I think they have handled a situation well or have even said, boy,your day was like mine yesterday! Even that can help to change a mood!

Have to get back to my volunteer work. We are doing "A Christmas Carol" & apparently I am the Production Manager, Stage Manager, Set & Prop Manager...& fixer of whatever. I was painting set stuff last night and have to do up my Set & Prop forms tonight as well as cue sheets!

Kerri
Zombie Mom said…
I agree you gain a different perspective when you have more than one child. I saw ugly sides of myself when my 2nd was born. I have more good days than bad now but it takes a while.

Good point about seeing a mom or child at a "moment". Sadly I would judge in the past but I had the same realization that what I am seeing is just a bad part of their day which may otherwise be great....
Mama Birth said…
Thanks all-
Mountain Doula- I see what you are saying- I have seen women smacking a small toddler at stores- that might be signs of much more than a bad moment. But I have also seen 1) women I know are good loving mom's who just happen to be pregnant, have husband gone extendedly, sick and overwhelmed who are having a moment, even a moment that can last months. I have also seen 2) women for the first time who I think- man she is nuts- and then I get to know them, and they are not bad mom's or always impatient. They are seriously just having a moment. I for sure have them. I try not to be a bad mom, but as a human, I too have rough times in life and sometimes it makes it next to impossible to be the best-
Shauna said…
So true! My first was and still is quite a handful and I have been "that mom" more times than I care to admit - even with only one kid I never got to experience the "perfect mom" feeling. Having a second, much easier, baby just 19 months later really put things in perspective for me and helped me realize that I wasn't actually crazy. And yes, I still want more. Thanks for sharing this!
Onewithwings said…
I took tranquilizers before (that were prescribed to me, but I still overdid it) to deal with my very active then-14-month-old on a plane ride. I feel bad for it now, but at the time I really thought it was okay, since they were prescribed to me.

I know better now, and have gotten much better at dealing with my now-2-year-old son. I empathize with those moms who have more than one and think they are going nuts. I don't plan on having anymore (for both medical and financial reasons, plus the fact that we've got our hands full with the one as it is!).
Renae D said…
Amen!! I have 3, a 5 year old, 3 year old and 10 month old. We have our good days and the days where they are swinging from the chandelier.

And you're sooo right, I look back now and I realize my oldest was one of the most compliant children I ever met in my life. My daughter challenges me daily...no make that hourly. I'm sure I look like a horrible/lax/lazy mother with her since she is so unruly but truly no discipline in the world works with her. It's just HER.
Jessi said…
Thank you!!! (mom of three ages 5 & under here)

I have cried, talking to my mom that when my babies were small I never imagined I could get so angry or react in the wrong way and I end up feeling so guilty. It helps to know that I'm not the only one.

Of course I will keep striving to do better. On those rough days I ask our Lord with sincerity to make me a better mom the next day.


Miss you in our LLL group here in Irving :) Congrats on your new pregnancy!
Missy said…
I have six. I thought I was perfect when I had one. Ya, I hear ya!!
Niniel said…
I laughed out loud reading this and teared up a little too. You are SO right. thanks for making me feel like I'm not a terrible mother!
Debra Baker said…
Mine are older now and I usually have the luxury of shopping alone but I understand when I see the mom struggling in one of those moments. I'll let her in front of me or offer to help her put her groceries on the counter to be scanned or whatever.

Then I'll say I've been there, done that and the question arises, "How many kids?" And I say, "Eight," and, suddenly, I either am treated like the Oracle or a madwoman.

Suffice to say, by the time you have eight, you have been through enough humbling moments to dare not judge and you have enough experience under your belt to start ralaxing.

My last was my ideal perfect child but I know enough to not take credit because her seven older siblings will keep me humble; thay think it's their *job.*
lynn reed said…
One is none & two is ten...is what I heard and did not understand until I had two!! Then it all made sense:)
Oy...they never napped at the same time and alot of plans went out the window but the challenge was what made me stronger. I mean I am grateful I had to dig deeper and learn to deal with things as they came at me and do the best I could and be ok with it!
Nadia said…
Right on! I've been having a rough time after my 2nd was born 11 months ago (and he's the easy one out of the 2)... so these kinds of 'confessions' are always soothing for me. I also always worried when I went through a bad moment because I secretly want more but didn't think I could cut it... I know it will pass and it is normal to sometimes feel overwhelmed (especially with a hubby that works late most nights)... luckily I still find time to ADORE my kids ;) and repeat my mantra daily - "this too shall pass".
UmIman said…
Love it! I have four kids, five years and under. People look at me like I'm crazy. While some days it is such a struggle, more often I am very aware of the blessings in my life and the incredible cuteness and liveliness surrounding me, or literally attached to me.
Anonymous said…
I wish I were a perfect mom with my one kid! :-P
jenim said…
I have 4 living and never did get an "easy" child. If anything the last one was easiest because nothing fazed me any more. I thought I knew it all as a 19 yr old mom of one. It took 6 yrs to bring another one along (fertility problems) and I again thought despite others telling how they didn't know how i handled my wild children (thanks?) that I had it under control and I plenty of extra time in my day for 3. Wow! What a way to knock me on my butt! He was a pretty easy baby but the combination pushes me into a swirl of PPD with lack of sleep, tandem nursing and a husband working out of state all week long (all year long).

Now that big kid is 19, the 2 middle ones are beginning their teens, and the youngest is almost 7. I almost would think that I had it all down but life has a way of telling you "not so fast" . Now I'm back to work all day and the balancing act is all out of whack again.

I've finally reached the point that a screaming baby/child at a store or a restaurant doesn't make me judge but makes me want to help out. I regularly am the lady handing a little toy or a treat to a child and offering a kind look or comment to the mother. I still don't quite get how a mother can take 4 kids to a store, even at the ages mine are now I try to never take them into public together ;).

Thanks for the great reminder! The shared drama makes for some great stories and if we learn from it some great empathy for each other. here's to non perfect, real living moms!
I have 4 kids - currently 1 & 8 year old girls, and 16 & 17 year old boys. The dictionary has my picture next to the word "insanity". I think it's safe to say that my oldest child is my more challenging child, and the other 3 are so far my rewards for having them. The oldest though...jury will be out on that whole scenario a while. To quote several of my friends with more than 3 children: "After 3, what's one more?" I think I've forgotten how to cook a small meal that would serve 2 or 3 people.
Anonymous said…
GREAT post! As a mom of two, I stopped there because I thought I might lose it with more. I was that "calm" mom with only one, but two boys runs me ragged on some days! If they would only sit still. Loved reading this, thanks!
Tiana said…
LOL!! Just gave birth to my 4th...this is all sooo true! Thanks!
Joyful_Momma said…
Boy did I need that today! I have 8 and there lots of days that I feel quite crazy! :P
Where can I find the tranquilizers? :)

I had 6 kids in 5 years... 2 sets of twins. And yep, my first was easy peasy. My second was a piece of cake. And these days, I'm lucky to shower more than twice a week. That should tell you something! ;)
Unknown said…
I still don't understand why women have more than one child... I have one, and I'm already OVER !!! I want my freedom back, please!
thamesarino said…
Hello!
I so get this!: )
I have four, although the oldest is 15 trust me it isn't all "the teenager must be so helpful" like everyone thinks! Not that she doesn't help but teenagers need their own parenting that takes just as much if not more energy... just differnt... anyway...
I look at myself sometimes and just have to stop and laugh, which is better than the crying that is the alternative...
Love my babies more than anything... doesn't mean I'm not a completely crazy person sometimes! : )
Loved the post! : )
Seven Daughters said…
It's always a relief to read that there are other moms out there like me. I have four girls (10, 7, 2, 1) and am due w/ #5 next April. Add to that my husband is unemployed due to the lovely economy and I definitely feel nuts most days.
Anonymous said…
Ahhhh, yes. I too am a crazy mum. I never actually say to anyone "ya, you just have one kid" or "oh, just wait until you have more" but I think it ALL THE TIME!

Amanda
crazy mum to 4 crazy kids
GummyMummy said…
You know what, I thought women with more than two children were bonkers, then I had a third and it was OK really. After that things couldn't get more crazy so I had another. Now I have five and I just embrace the chaos, and I love them like mad. Even when I'm yelling, they are legging it in opposite directions and not sure which to run after first!
Salute to all the mums who make it to the end of the day vaguely sane.
Anonymous said…
Raising hand, yes I'm a so-called crazy mom of three boys under 5 years old. I've often been called 'crazy' and 'a sucker for punishment' by parents with only 1 child (though most are lovely and kind), but I'm proud of my clan!

Yes I feel accomplishment and pride in producing not 1 but 3 handsome, lovely little boys - so there! You have to have some damn fine skills to handle more than 1 child - I take my hat off to all parents, but especially those with more than one child.

Thankyou for this article, I really needed to hear it. x

Cherie - Natural Mama NZ
Jenn said…
They are not actually trying to insult you. They just know that with only one child there are a few things that you might not understand yet.

Except, you know, some of us have only one child and won't have any more, either by choice or because the choice of how many to have was taken away from us. It IS hurtful to be told that I'm somehow less of a mom because I don't have a lot of kids, that my opinions on parenting are always to be taken with a grain of salt (or even condescendingly ignored) because I haven't had to apply my parenting skills to more than one child at a time.

The "yet" implies that I will learn these lessons in time, and that I will one day be in the position of wisdom that you are now. But I didn't get to make that choice, and a lot of other moms out there like me are just grateful for the one child they've got.
Mama Birth said…
Ahh Jenn-
No offense meant towards you or any other mothers of one by choice or otherwise.

Nowhere did it say (nor was it implied, and I know since I wrote it) that a mother of one was somehow "less" of a parent nor that I didn't value them or their opinions.

I was simply poking fun at the humbling moments I have had as a mother and as I have faced some of my own judgmental ideas as I lived them out myself!

Much joy and happiness to you and yours.
emm said…
"When you have more than one child you start to learn a few things"

Guess what? I learned those things early on with my first and only child. Your post assumes that all first babies/children are easy as pie. For many moms they're not. Especially when you're dealing with an extremely high needs baby. You really shouldn't put all first babies, or any other baby/child for that matter, in a cookie cutter mold. All babies are unique and some are hardier to handle than others.

Your posts really discredits good mothers who struggle with that first difficult child and have to hear comments like, "You only have one child. How hard can it be?"
Mama Birth said…
Beth-
Just to quote the blog that I wrote,

"The other one, was just hard. You did not do anything terribly and horribly wrong. Neither did that friend you had with the "naughty" or "out of control" toddler."

I think this is expressing sympathy for the mom who DOESN"T have the perfect child, not condemning those who don't. You may have had a hard first child, but many women have easy first babies and assume that it is not the baby, but in fact their superior skills, and say so often.

My first child was hard too- Nowhere did I say that all first children were easy.

AS the person who wrote it and the person who knows my own thoughts and intents best (far better than somebody who has never met me) I must say that that (saying the first child is easy or that single child mothers know nothing) was not my intent, thought, or feeling, nor is it now. Nor did I write that. Anywhere.

Maybe somebody with your exact experience in life would be less offensive to you than somebody who has done/thought/felt differently than you.

Different experiences yield different lessons learned.

I am simply blown away that a post meant in fun and poking fun at MYSELF has offended anybody. I would have been glad to read it with my first (who was difficult) because I would have found it comforting that I was not a failure but just had a harder, needier baby.

I hope you can find joy in your journey as a mother.
Xeryfyn said…
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing out this post that is MY LIFE in a nutshell
Ha, I only have one and I feel this way! Oh great! Maybe she's just the hard one! Or I am!
Terri said…
Oh I loved this post, laughed out loud! Thanks.
Lorelei said…
Okay, I'm pregnant with my first, and not only did I find the post HILARIOUS, it helped me realize that I need to adjust my attitude. I have been known in the past to judge parenting styles (yeah, no kids yet, did I mention that?) or be embarrassed about the behavior of my friend's kids and her inability to "control" them at a restaurant. I now realize two things:
1. Everybody has "moments"
2. I'm totally in for it in a few months!
Thanks for the attitude adjustment!
Crunchy Mama said…
Bah, all this griping from people who "didn't get" your post - I thought it was hilarious.
I thought I was only going to have one child. And my first, to me, was a complete pain in the ass. I was 20 when he was born, I had no idea what to do with him, and I had done my "research" but at the same time I felt as though I hadn't had a chance to live my life yet (thanks for that, fate). I love him to death but I was nowhere near ready, and while I learned a lot while raising him, at the same time I was completely lost about so much when it came to how we should raise him, react to situations/problems, etc. And yes, people told me that he was my first, maybe my only, that I knew it was tough but I still didn't really know what it was like, and I got all insulted.
But it's true.
The opinions of moms who have one child aren't irrelevant or useless, but when opinions are given toward moms of more than one child, or we get those nasty looks, please realize that we have been where you are, raising one child, and know what it is like. Even if your ability to choose to have more biological children was taken from you (and please understand that I am VERY sorry, I cannot imagine what that feels like and I will not pretend to), you just.. Don't know what it's like to have more than one child. My second was no easier than my first, they're great kids and very smart and I love them to death, but the fact of the matter is that you DON'T know. You don't, and until you have more children either by adoption, surrogacy, or if you choose not to have any more, you just.. Don't know. I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm being honest - even if it's painfully so. Just as my opinions given to a mom with three are more are potentially useful but probably not, because I don't have three kids. I don't know what to do with them. I have NO CLUE.
Oh, and Mountain Doula, yikes. Really. We all have bad moments. That's horrifically judgmental of you.
Sarah, I thought this was hilarious, and you have a new reader for it. Thanks. :)
jennyandcompany said…
yes! thank you! I do feel crazy sometimes with my 4, and it's so good to hear that I'm kinda normal after all.
themom said…
nice article! I have twins and there are some people who like to give me advice on 'how to handle twins'. Use to drive me nuts because if you only have one you don't have a clue how to handle twins. I also use to get really annoyed when people would tell me 'mine are 9 months apart so it's like having twins' but to be honest, I would rather have 2 toddlers than have a toddler and a newborn. Props to ANYONE who has this. Hopefully I never have to find out how hard it is to have twin toddlers and a (or more) newborns like some of my truly epic friends. :)
lynzeriff said…
Yes, finally! Someone posts the truth!
Mel said…
My 2 are both a handful. They have learned to answer me very nicely when I am at my wit's end and say "crazy" things like What am I going to do with you?: Love me forever, Mom! And I will, even though I doubt I even make this job look easy. Thanks for posting!
Brooke said…
My first is a challenge, and sometimes I wonder if that keeps us from having another. Maybe if the first was easy, it would be easier to be prepared for a second. But it's good to remember not all are hard. The idea of having more actually scares me a bit.
september said…
Great Blog! Thank you for sharing your experiences. As a mother of 3 strong willed girls, it was nice to share this with my partner so that he could also have some validation that I'm not insane! Thanks again!
Hindsfeet said…
The first four are the hardest.
Anonymous said…
Wow! I just skipped on over here to your blog for the first time, and I love it already! I have 3 babies, all only a year apart each. I have definitely had my fair share of crazy looks and judgemental comments from the people who automatically assume all my kids after my first were "accidents" or irresponsible decisions. Not to mention all the judgement I feed myself all day long because of how insane life is with 3 children under 3, and I just can't hold it together perfectly every day. It is good to be reminded that moms everywhere, with one child or eighteen, feel a certain amount of insecurity when it comes to mother hood. And we (mothers) all deserve so much more than judgemental remarks and assumptions based on those "moments".
Unknown said…
I wasn't offended by this blog and I only have one child... I thought it was brilliant, I'll probably have that moment one day too. Stop being so cranky and over-sensitive, people.
Kama said…
This is hilarious! It made me laugh out loud. I have 2 boys (3 years and 21 months) with another child due in 1 1/2 weeks! People definitely think I'm crazy. Thanks for the words and the funny encouragement. :)
Motherfunker said…
Oh my freakin word. I was pissing myself reading this. Now I really love you. Mama with four kiddos and always near the edge of a mini nervous breakdown!
Anonymous said…
Really enjoyed your post. I have never been in the position of having just one child as my first were twins and then I never had three children because I had a second set of twins. Going straight to 2 and then doubling to 4 has been challenging and have often wondered what it would be like to relax with one baby one pair of hands and a nice and tidy stroller! Thanks again! http://twinstips.com http://themasterplanandme.blogspot.com
Miami Nice said…
I love this blog. Kudos. KAS I love your comment, you put it very well and I think I see what you are getting at, the same thing I think Mama Birth was. It's not that any mom who happens to have just one child is less-than or her opinions less valid. It's the moms who JUDGE and give unsolicited (and unhelpful) advice, make snotty comments, engage in condescending gossip, give dirty looks etc. at moms who have 2 or 3 or 10 or whatever. I am only human, I'm not perfect and I'll admit that I have a lot of emotions about having 3 kids. Sometimes I'm jealous of moms I know with only 1. I see their sewing projects and organic gardens the cute outfits and that mom's hair is washed and her eyebrows are plucked and I'm wistful. And other times I'm annoyed because she's telling me (stuff I already know) about cloth diapers or cow's milk or naptime, or huffing and crossing her arms when I raise my voice at the kids (OK, so I straight up scream sometimes). It's hard damnit. It's a shame we can't just be proud of something that is absolutely an accomplishment (maintaining sanity with insane kids), without offending someone who just has a different life.

Debra Baker I love this quote from you, which is just a true statement, it's not comparing me/you to anyone else with or without kids: "you have been through enough humbling moments to dare not judge and you have enough experience under your belt to start relaxing."

It's like a mathematical formula. The more kids I have the less capable I become of judging any mother.
Qtpies7 said…
I have 7 kids and no illusions of perfect parenting! lol There is no such thing. Luckily I came from a large family and I never thought it possible, so I never struggled with it.
Yesterday we were playing a "mommy game" at a party and we had to write down one thing our mom's said that we said we'd never say. I wrote down "Because I said so!" My daughter, who is pregnant with her first, said "Because I said so!" LOL
An interesting post. I too have seen a different side of myself becoming a mother to three. I look at women with 3 very close in age very differently now--something like awe and respect. And while I want a fourth I don't know if its in the cards for me, and the thought terrifies me in some ways.

I do agree with Jenn though, some of the statements were hurtful. Every mom is fighting a different battle and truly you do not know. Whether she has one kid, 20, or none. A friend of mine has 17 special needs children. I do not KNOW what her life is truly like. On the flip side, she does not truly know all the demons I face that impact my mothering. Let's love each other and support each other instead of playing "competitive child birthing." We are all doing our best, and even if someone has "just" one it often taxes us beyond what we think we can handle.
janepeace said…
My first 2 were 14 months apart. and I just added twins so kids are 12,11,2 and 2. I'm sorry but people with only 1 make me want to vomit on them. If they start to give advice. But I love each and everyone of my kids and probably would have more if I were 35 and the love of my life didn't die this passed year. Damn he made me some cute babies to remember him by. :)